One of the sickest, most troubling aspects of Ivan’s euthanasia was arriving at the vet, checking in, and having people overhear my business. Now, I know a lot of you probably get sympathy for your tripawds, wich can be sweet. And Ivan got a lot of attention both for being a tripawd and a rare-ish massively boned breed. Which typically was fine, I didn’t mind answering questions. I was proud that he showed great adaptability and could be a model for amputees of any kind.
But, I don’t want attention when I am there to euthanize. Does anyone? I just want to quietly take care of my business. had my mind committed and destined toward a result, and suddenly, people were gasping and dialing on their cell phones and saying “Did you try this?” “Did you try that?” and “I know someone who knows someone who takes in this kind! Hang on! Oh…He’s not home…Let me try his girlfriend!” Meanwile the front desk is requesting payment. My hurt, confused mind is pulled. Do I let these people try to find him a home? Do I euthanize? Dogs are walking in and out. Some are growly. Ivan is strating to show signs of stress and aggression I’ve never seen before – snapping and other dogs in the waiting room. People are pleading. I say, “I just need to do this.” One guy stands up and says, “I’LL take him!” [Earlier he said he didn’t have room for him.] I say, “See this? I’m seeing behaviours here he’s never shown before. I don’t want to pass this on to someone else. I don’t know what is going on.” The guy is angry.
I pay. And to escape the frantic phone calls to other rescues and friends and farms, I tell the front desk, I’ll be outside. In my mind I beg them to hurry before one of the “rescuers” goes nutty and offers something crazy, like to pay to take him. PLEASE. LET THIS BE DONE.
Finally, a tech, who must have seen what was happening in the front, comes out a side door, and lets me in the back entrance to avoid the waiting room. The staff is supportive. Ivan – oh Ivan…if we could all pass away as quickly and peacefully as you did. You certainly earned the right to die gently, in comfort, with your biggest cheerleader EVER holding you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. There is no easy way to do this, and you had an especially difficult experience (what is with people, anyway?)
You did the best for your boy, no one knew him better than you. Now take care of yourself, give yourself time to heal.
Thanks…That is truly what I need. I collapsed into bed last night after forcing mysef to socialize for awhile…I still just want to sleep and and sleep and sleep. But I have a custody hearing coming up for my daughter next week and have to somehow pass for normal to get through it.
Of all the things they deserve the most….dignity is at the top of the list. Rest peacefully Sweet Love!!!
Bless you, Ivan’s Cheerleader…only YOU know how important those pompoms really were. <3
Thank you so much. Ivan and Crystal and Scout really are together now…they all know.
I’ve read a variety of end-of-life stories here. Many are not what we want or imagine they could be, for various reasons. Unfortunately, you are in that category now.
I don’t know details of what exactly led you to make this decision, and I’m saddened it was necessary, but I am not entirely surprised. I think I shared enough in some of your blog posts to let you know that I understand that these abused, unknown dogs often have way too much stacked against them. I had one, and she almost killed one of my other dogs. So I understand. I really do. (Why Dakota isn’t like that I’ll never know, as he earned the right.)
As others have said, you were able to give Ivan some unconditional love and kindness while you had him. He couldn’t overcome the shitty hand dealt to him by humans, but he knew love before he died. I thank you for that.
Shari
KFN, only you know the terrible things that led to this situation, and nobody here is judging you for this heartbreaking decision. Those people have NO idea what the circumstances were, and I hope that none of them ever end up in your shoes. Nobody deserves that. Who knows what may have happened if you had surrendered Ivan to another group, who knows what kind of tragedy you prevented.{{{{hugs}}}}
I’m sorry for the terribly traumatic time you have had. I cried a lot for Ivan last night so I can only imagine how much you have cried for him. Hopefully you can put the memories of those well meaning people at the vet surgery out of your mind.
The important thing is that from Ivan’s viewpoint he didn’t know that he was going to die. He just knew that he was safe and in the arms of someone who loved him. You allowed him to die with dignity. What a wonderful last memory for him to take to Rainbow Bridge. Thank you.
Karen and Spirit Magnum
Good grief – as if you hadn’t gone through enough already.
Try to not let that bug you. Like Jerry said, they had no idea what you’d been through.
They were trying to do the same thing you were doing – help Ivan, but they just didn’t know his whole story.
I hope you have some peace with the whole situation, knowing that you gave that poor kid some peace, TLC and love, when he obviously hadn’t known much of that.
Jackie, Angel Abby’s mom
We were in your shoes with the dog we had before Chili Dawg. I know how you feel. I really do. Everything Shari wrote is what I was planning to write as well, so I will just say that Ivan knew love at the end, and that is what you need to carry with you.
Spirit Chili Dawg’s pack
I’m so sorry you lost your friend. You gave him so much love. Love that I’m sure was missing in his life before he met you. Take comfort in knowing that you are special for having gone many “extra miles” for Ivan. He was loved, and he knew it.
Thank you….Oh, Whe will the tears stop? The injustice of it all!