A Message From Ivan:

Ivan sent a message today. I can’t begin to tell you the form in which it came, but it was along these lines:

The office we were in didn’t feel right. The dogs there – everything. I felt it in the leash. It was different from before. Your heartbeat was harder, and your temperature was hotter. Nothing was good. Not when you told me “Good Boy” for peeing on the bush, nothing. I never understood your words, only vibrations. Sometimes I didn’t understand why I did what I did or did not do. I know a bad feeling when I get it though. I’ve had it before.

Your temperature got hotter when you sat next to me on the floor and the muzzle was on, I felt it. Now I am a web of myself and other dogs and cats and people. I let go of the big head you loved, and found myself a part of everything.

My missing paw, it was only missing because I was attached to it. It will never be missing again, because I am a part of something that does not need to be attached to it. So is Crystal and Jerry and Scout. You miss me because you are still attached. But you are also a part of the web, so we do not need attachment. We can stop panting, stop losing, because in this thing…we are still one. All of us…one. You have not met your part of being one have you? Because you will see, it not possible to miss something that you are already always a part of. The bowls, the collars, are these things I guess are sentimentals. Some dogs like to carry things like that, be attached. You will see, you will laugh so hard that tears will come down….that when you let go of these things, we were together all along without those symbols.

We are safe. Crystal and Scout and Jerry and the others…it’s not a fairytale to say we’re really safe. And it was all worth it.