Today I Want to Cry.

So I did.

I have only had this lost soul for eight days, searched for him since June ninth after seeing his photo on Petfinder [because the foster mom wouldn’t return my calls, so I asked the Humane Society to verifyย his status on Petfinder], drove five hours to see him, was turned away initially by the foster mom, who said “I didn’t think you were coming. You have know idea how many people had stood me up, so I took a 24 hour shift at work,” and finally brought him home.

It seems touch and go. One moment he wags that bull whip of a tail and the neighbour downstairs tells me “I know when Ivan’s happy, because my chandelier shakes,” and the next moment his respirations are shallow and rapid, he can’t stand up, and I can’t tell if the pant-pant-panting is just a Mastiff thing or he’s suffering.

Mastiff People! Please tell me if it’s normal for three legged Mastiffs to pant so much! Is it because it’s summer? Is it because he is stressed about rehoming? Is it because he doesn’t “get” that he is HOME and he is unstable psychologically?

I feel silly crying over a dog I have only had eight days. But I’m afraid, so afraid this boy isn’t going to pull through. He hobbled through Atlanta on just the radius and ulna protruding from his leg…he deserves the rest of his life to be nothing but a vacation.

The vet today said that with him not gaining weight, she sould not rule out cancer.

I have to stop now because the screen is too blurry.

Thanks to all.

 

20 thoughts on “Today I Want to Cry.”

  1. we hope this is ‘the darkness before the dawn’. you are doing all you can, but we understand the fear that overwhelms you. just keep loving on that boy – every minute, every hour, every day with you….is like heaven for him. he’s reached nirvana, but is so tired, he can’t wrap his head around it all. pray for strength.

    charon & spirit gayle

    1. Your words brought tears to my eyes again. You seem to have a spiritual connection with the animals. Thank you so much. I just gave him his massage. I thought..’people would think I am nuts giving this dog a massage’ but if you could feel how tight and knotty his neck muscles and remaining forelimb are…OH! His neck is like concrete. I don’t know if it does any good to massage it and the forelimb that gets so much use. I wish spirit Gayle could tell me.

  2. Just keep telling that sweet boy that he’s found his furever home. Make the most of every moment. That’s really all any of us can do.

    I hope you have many many many moments – years and years worth – with this sweet boy!

    Hang in there! (I’ve not been around a 3 legged mastiff – only the 4 legged kind – so afraid I have no words of advice.)
    Jackie

  3. Oh my, hang in there..
    I think with panting (which my mastiff did alot) his mouth open and a relaxed posture is normal. If it is anything other than this, like heavy fast panting, struggling, or scrunching up that isn’t good.
    I am praying so hard right now for more time for you guys. It is totally normal to fall in love in a minute, an hour. I have loved many dogs on this forum, yet I have met only a couple. The hurt is the same.
    My newfoundland mix, once he lost his leg, panted heavily very often. I have found many people has said this of their dog with 3 legs too.
    I have a video I can send you of my mastiff and his heavy fast panting on his last day. I took it to show my vet, I didn’t know it was going to be his last day. I lost him 2 1/2 weeks ago.
    my e-mail address is drydogs5@yahoo.com. feel free to e-mail me and I will forward it to you.

    1. I am so, so sorry for your loss. It pains me to hears that you were just taking the video in to show the vet and it turned out to be his last day. Were you taking the vid to the vet specifically to show the panting? Would you please share what ultimately caused him to pass? I’m afraid to look at your video. I don’t want to see a foreshadowing. Is that ok?
      Ivan does pant in a relaxed posture, but it just never seems to stop. I keep the apt at 76 degrees. I have a wet tee shirt on him tonight to see if that helps, if it is because he is hot. [No, not THAT kind of hot wet tee shirt!]
      I also had to give him benadryl 75mg. The early fireworks are freaking him out. The benadryl doesn’t seem to be making a dent.
      Thanks for your kind sharing.

  4. My rott had her amputation 3 weeks ago yesterday and after her surgery – i noticed she would pant harder. I got nervous- even though we had a clear chest xray, Then I thought it was pain – so I gave more meds – still panting. Then I thought it was her tummy upset, wth 16 pills a day – so I added another pill for her stomach -still panting. I realize she is inside all day, except to use the little girls room outside, but we do live in phoenix, So we shaved her and YEAH!!!- panting stopped. I am sure she thought a few times – “if I could only talk and tell these crazy people- IT”S HOT!!!

    1. Thanks – I never would have thought to shave a Rottie! Your poor, sweet girl! I hope she’s adjusting well! Ivan is 6 months post-op. I *think* that perhaps lately since the foster mom kept him in the barn, that there’s a chance he’s been fairly inactive. I don’t know if you saw the other post, but a few days ago I discovered infected pressure sores on that big calloused area over the hock. If my hunch is right, his inactivity combined with the heat wave combined with all of a sudden having to navigate steps a few times a day to relieve himself might account for this long recovery time [i.e. heavy panting]. That’s what I am hoping.
      Tell, me, Did you take your Rottie to a groomer to shave and if you did, what was the expression on the groomer’s face?!

  5. oh my. I’m sorry that you are back to some rough patches. It might take him a while to gain some weight, 8 days really isn’t that long for weight gain. It would just be so unfair for Ivan to face cancer after all of the crap that life has already dealt him. ๐Ÿ™

    And I totally hear you on how you feel after such a short time. As you know, we adopted Teddy a couple of days after you got Ivan, and he is already such a part of our family. Friday night the kids and I took him with us to the drivein movie. I didn’t realize how late it was and picked him up to sit with me. He was almost limp in my arms and I seriously started to worry that something was really wrong, that he was really sick. After a few minutes of worrying though I realized it was almost 1:00 in the morning and he was just in a deep sleep. But for those few minutes that I thought something was wrong I was near tears!

    1. Wow! Yes, I remember about you adopting Teddy just after I adopted Ivan, and we were only a little drive away from each other. It’s so good to know that Teddy felt so safe that he could fall asleep so deeply with you. I think he just paid you a big compliment ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thank you for the kind words. I am at this awful crossroads where I have to think…do I start selling stuff to keep this boy alive if it comes to cancer? Or do I let him go gently into the night? Oh! Let the Powers That Be not make him suffer!

  6. The massaging is a great idea. He could be in a lot of pain from the knotted muscles. I was told not to massage too hard, just very gentle. The physical contact will do so much for Ivan’s state of mind as well as his tense muscles and help to bond him closer to you. If you could find a rehab vet they could show you how to do it. I know Magnum really benefited from the one massage she got from a professional who also showed me how to do it properly.

    Magnum felt the heat. Wetting her underneath worked best to cool her down. I would also let her lie in front of the fan.

    Take a deep breath. Ivan needs you to be strong for him. You don’t know if it is cancer yet so lets not panic. What is the vet suggesting to do now?

    We are all praying for Ivan to pull through. He just has to. But, if the worst should happen and he doesn’t then know that thanks to your compassion his last days will have been spent knowing what it feels like to be cuddled, loved and cared for.

    Oh God, I’m crying. While that’s so much better than the fate that Ivan was facing until you saved him it’s not the ending I want. He will make it! May you continue to find the strength to fight for him and may he find the strength to go on after everything he has been through.

    1. I’m hoping, hoping. That he’s just a little freaked out. Think, “What? We’re allowed to sleep indoors? On a bed?” And that he’s just saying to himself, “Whoa – you’re kidding! I just ate, like, 3 hours ago! Nothing’s supposed to be tossed my way for another week! You sure about this?”
      And maybe even a little, “Hey – what’s with all the shampoo? I kinda had a fondness for barn manure. But hey…Maybe you could find some eau de poodle?”

      Well, the vet suggested to hold off on diagnostic tests until we see if he improves. One vet said, “He didn’t get this way overnight, so don’t expect fast cures.” Which is probably what I have been doing. They ARE concerned that he has actually lost weight but they are reserving opinions until he acclimates and strengthens. If, after a few weeks, nothing improves, no weight is gained, it’s time to worry about something like cancer.

      I do notice that he has several lumps under his coat…I would call them fibromas, they are marble sized and moveable within the coat. Not lipomas…not soft and fatty. The neck musculature seems very kmotty. I am not sure if it would feel that way natuarally after amp or is a result of so much working the neck to carry that big head on one shouldr.

      Question….if you saw the injury photographs…you saw that his paw was cleanly cut off just below the dew claw. Is there a reason they would not leave a stump for a prosthetic?
      Thank you!

      1. Ahhh….I just realized….I was told that infection set in after someone cut off his paw, and to save his life, the entire shoulder was taken. And I researched and sadly he is not a candidate for a prosthetic. Too much muscle is gone. The most he could have would be an adaptive device, such as a brace with a rolling device, but even that is questionable because he doesn’t even have much *chest* left on that side to bear weight on anything ๐Ÿ™ They sure took a lot!

  7. Hi, I can’t help you with the prosthetic question. I just wanted to say, yes, we probably all forget that it has only been 8 days. It is still very early. So much has happened in that very short time.

    I don’t know about front amps but I know that Magnum was pretty free of any knotted muscles except for her upper back which was quite tense and benefited from the massage.

    Karen and Spirit Magnum

  8. My mastiff Titan had lymphoma. He went very quickly. My newfy had lots of lumps, some hard, some squishy. The ones that were hard scared me but they were all aspirated and came back benign. I don’t blame you for not wanting to watch the video, I don’t want to see it either ๐Ÿ™

    Massage is great for bonding with your boy and giving him a pleasurable way to ease his aches, great GREAT idea!

  9. KFN, I can’t blame you for being stressed and worried. He has come so far to live the beautiful life with you he deserves, and it’s so hard when they can’t tell you what’s really wrong.

    My paws are crossed that the panting is just a sign of nervousness and an inability to relax. I remember when I was panting really hard for days and days, and my Mom and Dad thought the cancer had come back. Well, it hadnt. It was the weather! They were so worried that never occurred to them. But the vet was right, once I was in air conditioning and cooled off I felt SO much better.

    I hope the same is true for Ivan. Please hang in there, and know you aren’t alone as you walk this road. Things will get better.

    In the meantime, if your vet suspects cancer, please let us know what steps s/he is taking to diagnose it. We are here to support you.

    1. Thank you. The weather *is* pretty hot, but I keep the AC on at 76 or so. Ivan just pants like he ran a marathon. He only really lets up when he falls into a deep sleep. And Jerry, to tell you the truth, I have what I call a HHTC policy, which means that I cannot be held liable for any of my actions when I am hot, hungry, tired, or cold. Yet, Ivan is here…and he is shaming me with his gentle and sweet demeanour even though he doesn’t feel good.
      Thank you for the support!

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